So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
