I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
