I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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