nut hugger
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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