boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
