Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
