he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
