I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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