last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize