There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
