Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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