how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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