You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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