ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
