just survived the first fart of the relationship.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
