you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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