He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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