2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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