at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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