Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
