I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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