So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
