C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
