dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
