the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's rum buckets o'clock
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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