New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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