somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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