woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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