Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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