exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
