If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize