My nipple is on Facebook.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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