she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and she was petting her beer can
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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