I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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