and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
