I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
