Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize