best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
