Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
