Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
jump out the window naked night went bad
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize