and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
