if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
