He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
