I just made out with a guy for $7.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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