dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
