everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
