wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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