I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
