he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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