woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
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he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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