i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
