If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
