Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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