I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
