Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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