First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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