why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
