It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
