I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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