you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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