I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
